I stopped doing these entry things and started making random text posts I can’t decide what to do lol not that this blog has followers anyways AND IF YOU DO FOLLOW IT I LOVE YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY BITCHING
like I want to be able to look back at my old posts easily cuz I’ve had this blog for over a year (weird) and it was supposed to have 365 posts by now but it doesn’t so whatever but this thing also annoys me but oops
anyways I like you so much and I’M JUST DUMB BECAUSE I MET YOU ONLINE AND I’M JUST LAUGHING AT MY LIFE BECAUSE I COULD GET GUYS IRL IF I WANTED TO BUT I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THE ONES THAT LIKE ME REALLY and the guys at my school are so rude like today they made sexual comments to my friend and I as we were walking past and I think they were making fun of us but they are ugly and fags so
I WANT TO DIE OF STRESS I’m retaking the SATs saturday and I NEED TO RAISE MY SCORE SO BADLY to get into American which is my dream school so I can get a scholarship and just ugh I want school to be over there’s only one week left after this one but then finals and I really want to keep my grades that I worked so hard for
AND I’M FUCKIN HUNGRY IT’S 7:50 WHERE IS MY MOM WITH DINNER maybe it’s better if I don’t eat anything
how do i give myself a new face, body, personality, and identity
i am so tired of who i am i hate myself so fucking much if i wasn’t such a coward i would be dead
i can’t stop crying i just want to die
and i really want a razor right now but i don’t want to do anything stupid because of course if i wear shorts everyone would fucking notice so instead i’m just going to sit here and try not to shake and cry
my eyes are so puffy and i just can’t believe this and i don’t think i can take another 3 weeks of school and then do shitty on the SATs again and i just hate my dad so much he’s a fat piece of shit and i honestly don’t want anything to do with him anymore he was never a good dad in the first place he only cares about himself and i fucking know what he’s up to i found his shit so if necessary i will blackmail him into letting me go to ohio because he fucking PROMISED
he doesn’t understand how important max is to me and how last year when i was suicidal (i still am now lmao but not to that same extent) it was max who would stay with me on the phone
while all my other friends deserted me it was max who told me everything would be ok
and it’s so much more than i can even describe like i don’t care if i met him on this fucking retarded website because we have a connection stronger than that and i don’t care if it’s dumb that i consider him one of my best friends because he is
a best friend is someone who makes you feel better and who is always there for you and he always is
and meeting him would just mean to so much to me like i don’t care about meeting anyone else really except like jovan and maybe jonathan and shannon but everyone else i could care less about i’m just so retarded for talking to people who live states away and i know that i won’t ever meet the guy i actually like on here so why bother lol
my friend said i had a pear shaped body and it really hurt my feelings like that’s really offensive lmao but k i guess i am i have big hips and a big stomach and big everything else but small boobs like why can’t i be a c cup already i am so done i am going to vomit looking at myself i hate myself so much i used to at least have a good body even though my face was ugly and now i just have ugly everything i’m not even skinny anymore i’m just “normal” to “fat”
i want to cry looking at these pictures did i really let myself turn into this blob of fat like do my legs actually look like that
do i really look like a fat piece of shit all the time
yes
wow k my hips are too big and i’m too pale and my legs and butt are gross and i need to stop eating so much psa
